Original Article: https://blog.theanimalrescuesite.greatergood.com/aita-dog-daughter/
A woman who describes her family as “a modern Brady Bunch” recently took to Reddit for advice on a sensitive family matter, and it’s difficult to see who is in the right.
Living in the household are the woman and her husband, the woman’s two children from a previous relationship, and the couple’s mutual child, now a year old. The man also has a 15-year-old daughter from a previous relationship who only spends the summers with her father. According to the woman who wrote the post, “a very good kid, gets good grades.”
The woman also has a 6-year-old golden retriever who is loved dearly by herself and her other children.
The problem is, the 15-year-old is deeply afraid and disgusted by dogs.
“I was told that there was a general culture against dogs where she was raised, but that culture intensified when there was a tragedy a few years ago involving dogs and some neighbor children,” the woman writes. “My husband’s daughter saw the entire thing, and it stuck with her.”
The woman was assured by her husband that dog would likely not be a problem. He said her daughter would see that it was a different kind of dog and wouldn’t be upset.
But that’s not what happened.
“The day she landed, we came home from dinner and then suddenly hear screaming coming from upstairs,” the woman wrote. “It sounded like an emergency, so we rushed in, and it was because a few dog hairs had gotten on her clothes from Auggie walking through the room. She spent hours freaking out over it. She ran everything she got through the wash 3 full times, using an entire container of oxyclean in the process, and deep cleaned the entire room.”
“We obviously did everything possible to prevent Auggie from going near her room after that and always kept the door closed, but it only got worse from there,” she continues. “She refused to sit on the living room furniture because it was ‘dirty,’ obsessively vacuumed anywhere he could have been until I hid the vaccum, and jumped back and screamed any time that he could have gotten near her. It was very clear that something not good was going to happen if they continued living together, so we found an airbnb down the street solely for her and split time there. It was incredibly expensive but worked for the summer and allowed for some normal visit time.”
The woman said this wasn’t an expense the family could sustain for multiple summers. Her husband agreed, but wanted to get rid of Auggie, rather than see his daughter be “kicked out of her home.”
“I will NOT get rid of Auggie. He’s part of the family. I love him, and the children that are all here more than her love and are bonded to him,” the woman wrote. “It’s not fair to them to get rid of him for a part-time child. We’ve been arguing about this for days now and now his mom and his ex-wife are involved because of this affects his daughter. They’re all saying I don’t love his daughter and am playing favorites. I don’t think I am.”
As you might expect, fellow Redditors had plenty of opinions to share.
“Keep your sweet pup and insist on therapy for the kid. Living life scared of dogs is no way to live,” suggested forcryingoutmeow. “ETA: this kid doesn’t even live with you. They’re just a visitor. You’d do more harm to the children who do live with you and are bonded to Auggie if you rehomed him.”
“Therapy is a new concept for both of her parents and their backgrounds. Her mom didn’t think it was necessary because she also believes dogs are something dirty to be avoided at all costs,” the woman responded. “Her father did try, but the first therapist was so bad that it was counterproductive. It was less than a year after the incident. The therapist wanted to diagnose her with OCD before ever meeting her, which was already a bad sign, but it had to be cut short when the therapist brought his own dog as “exposure therapy” for the first session involving her.”
“Both families still talk about it and now the attitude about therapy is only negative,” she continued.
Redditor New-Highway868 said they had positive outcome from therapy after a similar situation.
“Took me time, therapist was a licensed psychologist. Incredible experience. No regrets,” they wrote.
“My therapist was a psychologist who was trained in zootherapy and she had her dog and it worked. I went from terrified to now walking my friends dogs and not worry about it,” reads a follow-up post. “The dog needs to be introduced properly and my therapist never forced me and there has a be a way to find someone certified.”
“Watching a dog hurt someone is pretty traumatic,” posted Brief_Economist5642. “I’ve been bit and that sticks with you for a long time (wasn’t even all that bad and I was an adult), but if she watched something like that and it was as bad as it sounds? Yeah that’d be hard.”
“Obviously, trying again with another therapist would be a good idea if her mother would agree but people need to stop acting like therapy will necessarily make this issue go away,” suggested TheHatOnTheCat in no uncertain terms. “Even if your step-daughter attends therapy this may not be resolved in time for next summer (or later summers) and you and your husband need a plan for him to see his daughter. Daughter isn’t being difficult here, she’s clearly mentally ill, and the solution can’t be her dad just abandons her and no longer sees her. You claim to be a ‘modern day Brady Bunch’ but basically you want your husband to raise your kids and then give up on raising his own daughter at all so he can live with your dog.”
“I have worked with a young teenager with OCD who has been getting professional help for years and has made a lot of progress but they still suffer from their triggers,” continued TheHatOnTheCat. “One of my daughter’s friends was traumatized by a dog and she now has a terrible fear of dogs despite her parents taking her to therapy. This kid seems to be dealing with both and your husband would be a bad father if he no longer sees or helps raise his daughter over it. It’s also clear she can’t be in a house with a dog and won’t be able to be for we don’t know how long.
“The obvious solution to me seems to be to have your dog stay somewhere else for 3 months during the summer. Could your dog not live with a friend or family member for 3 months? If they live close by, you and your kids could visit? You could even go over every day and walk them? You could even pay them if needed and it would be less then an AirBnB?
“If you aren’t willing to part with your dog for a few months so that your husband can be a father to the one of his kids that isn’t yours, what other solutions are you suggesting? The next one I can think of is for 3 months a year your husband leaves to go live with his daughter if he can work remotely? Or he moves out to stay with his parents or something and his daughter comes there? Even if it’s far away, even if he would be gone for your children’s lives for 3 months, he can’t just favor his step-kids and kid with you over his older daughter and with with them 24/7/365 and her never?
“Look, I know reddit loves pets. I love pets. But if the only way to be with my child was to divorce my husband, I’d divorce my husband. Especially if it was because his position was I just shouldn’t try to raise my child at all since his pet living there full time was more important then me having ANY time with my own child. And can you imagine how this girl is going to feel if your husband picks you over her? You can’t throw a kid away for a women (or man, for a romantic partner). That’s wrong. What you’re asking of your husband is wrong. If you want to keep your husband or just have any empathy in your heart for you step-daughter then you need to be coming up with some sort of solution other then she just doesn’t visit. That’s unacceptable.”
So, which side do you fall on?
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Source: The Animal Rescue Site Blog
